Saturday’s conclusion to Pokémon GO Fest 2022 noticed the arrival of a clutch of Extremely Beasts, the welcome finish to the god-awful Rhi storyline, and most significantly, the return of Professor Willow after an ill-advised course of unlawful steroids.
Throughout June’s opening weekend of GO Fest, Willow mysteriously disappeared into an ultra-wormhole that appeared within the sky, and was changed by Rhi, some type of bloody robo-man from one other dimension, a member of the GO Extremely Recon Squad. We then suffered three months of Neighborhood Days and Particular Analysis with this character on the helm, the place the galaxy brains at Niantic determined to have him communicate in probably the most obfuscatory language, making certain no youngster taking part in the sport would have a clue what he was gibbering on about. However lastly, Willow is again! Hoorah! Besides, um, he’s had some work finished, and a soul eliminated.
Willow has by no means been disagreeable on the attention. A most tasty younger man, he beforehand all the time leaned into the digital camera, a wry grin on his face, with heat, mushy, stunning eyes. Stunning, brown eyes, into which you possibly can sink and sink and sink… I’m sorry. Nevertheless, irrespective of how fairly he was, he nonetheless drivelled on the identical abysmally written bullshit dialogue, making it so unbelievably arduous to love him. Shhhh, Professor Willow. Shhhhhh. Simply shhhhhh.
I had hoped for Prof Willow to reach again a gibbering wreck, sunken hole eyes, eyes which have seen horrendous sights he may by no means clarify. We’d know wherever he’d been had damaged him in a method that might by no means be fastened. As an alternative, it seems he was spending the summer season at Stan’s Low cost Reconstruct-U-Good, “Facial surgical procedure and used vehicles for all of the household.” And he’s not OK.
It’s genuinely arduous to place into phrases why I discover the brand new Willow so…sinister. Clearly the change from a pleasant pair of glasses to some ostentatious “LOOK AT ME!” goggles isn’t an amazing begin. (We needs to be grateful he isn’t carrying a steampunk high hat, I suppose.) But it surely’s perhaps the hardening of all these options, the all-new squared off butt-chin, and, whereas not comedically horrifying, an absence of any expression in his eyes. He simply appears to be like bored, bored by your silly want to have him let you know to gather 10 fire-type Pokémon, like he’s simply had sufficient of this shit. An excessive amount of of this shit.
G/O Media might get a fee
As much as 90% off
Humble Bundle’s Summer season Sale
Recreation and Save
Nice information for PC players on the market wanting to economize and add extra video games to your backlog which you’ll finally get to. Humble Bundle has kicked off its Summer season Sale during which it can save you as much as 90% on video games.
That little crease that was beside his smile was as soon as a touch of cheekiness, a little bit wryness that instructed he too knew that he needs to be doing higher than pretending he’s by no means seen a Galarian Ponyta earlier than. Now, set additional left and barely down, it appears to be like like the start of a grimace, like a trainer beginning their seventh new college yr.
Previous Willow needed to be our good friend, and was attempting maybe a little bit to arduous. New Willow is inwardly sighing that we’re nonetheless right here, questioning when he can return to his actual mates.
The web was fast to react to this peculiar change. From my in depth analysis, I’d say opinion is break up virtually precisely down the center, with half expressing some dehydration ranges of thirst, with others (appropriately) decrying the change. “Why does Professor Willow seem like he’s my dad that left me as a baby and has come again years later with a bike and a brand new spouse and is attempting to reconnect with me in my teenage years?” asked @lilfishsong. “Excuse me, why the hell is Professor Willow a candy biker babe flashing Blue Metal within the replace?” questioned @OhSynapse.
THEORY: All shouldn’t be alright. This isn’t Professor Willow. That is an imposter from the opposite facet of the wormhole, right here for nefarious functions. Past simply the truth that he’s observing me like he’s questioning what my spleen would possibly style like, there’s one other trace hidden inside the sport. Go to the Information tab, and click on on, “Coming September 1, 2022: The Season of Gentle” and also you’ll not get the standard abstract of the story with a hyperlink to the weblog, however as a substitute a single sentence. It reads,
Maintain an eye fixed out for Professor Willow…
This then hyperlinks to the YouTube video beneath, which is stuffed with astronomical clues to imminent Pokémon within the new season, and…no point out of Willow in any respect.
Yeah. Control him. As a result of he’s not proper. He’s lifeless inside. He’s going to kill us all.
