Itch.io, an egalitarian web site for internet hosting, posting, and downloading indie video video games, is stuffed with cum. As a refuge for inventive nobodies to harness an viewers with out worrying concerning the cash, Itch is filled with loads of different issues too, like medieval comedian books, homicide nuns, and cat property. However the cum is what made Apple attorneys name it “so offensive we can’t discuss them right here.” And Itch’s supposed lo-fi depravity is what you’re right here for, proper?
Proper. Whereas Apple was appropriate in its perception that there are a number of NSFW video games on Itch, I’d chorus from calling them offensive. Like the vast majority of free porn on-line, NSFW Itch video games can extra precisely be named “crude middle-school fantasies,” such as you downloaded your reminiscences of “lesbian boob kiss” search outcomes right into a thumbdrive after which inserted that drive into a tiny hand to the touch your self with.
What you want—what all of us want, actually—are porn auteurs, or in Itch’s case, video games that carry out intercourse in smelly, soulful methods. I current you with this: 5 free erotic video games that aren’t solely trying to pump blood straight into your guts, however into your perverted coronary heart as properly.
Observe that this checklist prioritizes the perfect of Itch’s extra obscure titles, however the platform’s larger NSFW video games from builders like Christine Love, Robert Yang, Dr. PinkCake, and Towerfag are equally tantalizing (you possibly can study a bit about why in my earlier porn video games checklist).
Steel Plug
Steel Slug, the sequence born in 1996, is stuffed with motion video games that appear superb for taking part in whereas choosing your nostril. You’ll be able to play tough, powerful, and partially checked out. The NSFW spoof Steel Plug by Juicy Eliot, however, is nice for taking part in if you wish to see butthole. Nonetheless tough, nonetheless powerful, nevertheless it’s tougher to take a look at if you’re being confronted with a unadorned forest woman’s flapping pink ass.
Steel Plug performs equally to Steel Slug and employs a number of the sequence’ roguelike components. It’s essential to blast machine weapons and spells (together with bullet time, and extra uniquely, “large dildo bomb,” and “plug defend”) at bare evil doers who kidnapped your bare horny buddies. Large pink cocks generally rain down from the sky. All in all, Steel Plug explores what much less inventive NSFW video games could be too cowardly to even comprehend—what in case your butt plug gave you energy?
Excellent Residence
This entry is for the furries on the market, everybody else, defend your cat’s eyes. Citrine’s role-playing sport Excellent Residence asks you to discover the dusk-fallen woods as a vindictive boy witch, who additionally occurs to be a cat. Everybody on this sport occurs to be a cat, and, by utilizing your very erotic thoughts management powers, you flip them into your submissive slave cats. It’s harking back to an 18+ Undertale. I assume you wished that.
Some Sword / Some Play
Let me whisk you away from the world of orifices and anthropomorphic cats and introduce you to Some Sword / Some Play, an interactive fiction sport by Moniker Ersatz. That is for smut sluts with yearbook-level Pinterest boards devoted to Colin Firth’s Mr. Darcy (me).
Within the sport’s sword-carved fantasy, you’re a duelist who everybody, by sheer luck, desires to fuck. Method and have salty banter with 4 characters, your patron, your good friend, a prophet, and your enemy, to get to the great elements, which is the erotic lit stationed all through the sport.
Pleasantly, in contrast to many genitalia-obsessed porn video games, Some Sword / Some Play is physique and sex-positive. Dialogue prompts offer you time to tranquilly resolve on all characters’ pronouns and anatomy, and the sport leaves you feeling moved to smoke a clove cigarette and picture your room filled with sizzling knights.
Randy Retro 1
Randy Retro 1 by randyretro69 is a perplexingly, fascinatingly unusual intercourse sport. In line with its description, you possibly can play it in your browser or in your Sport Boy through flash cart in case you ever wished that machine to develop into sexy.
In a browser, the gameplay is straightforward. It largely entails urgent “Z” in your keyboard till you get a wild-eyed pixel woman to get bare. Your disembodied pixel penis cums on her face—rinse, repeat. However the dialogue. Man, the dialogue is so bizarre.
The woman says “oh ye” prefer it’s all she desires, apart from your dick. “Oh ye get you good and onerous!,” “Oh ye I like your large cock between my tits,” “Oh ye you want that?” Oh ye it prevents any kind of temper from forming, even in elements of the sport you’re inspired to pull your cursor down the woman’s physique like a makeshift third appendage (fourth?). “Oh ye slap my ass,” she says. It’s surreal and medical, an artwork piece about instructing doggy-style to aliens.
Horny Booby 95
Per Silkworm Sweatshop’s Horny Booby 95’s Itch description, “you might be 13 and all you need in life is to see that SEXY BOOBY on the interwebs. Too unhealthy your loved ones laptop is a bit of junk, not having been up to date in over a decade. It’s vulnerable to slowdown, and crashes that maintain you away from that SEXY BOOBY!”
Horny Booby 95 was created for a sport jam in 48 hours, in all probability the identical period of time you’d have to get your in-game household laptop to work and reveal horny booby. Really, you’re powerless to do something apart from float your MS Paint cursor over to the flashing “homework” folder, the place your character has cleverly hidden a hyperlink to www.sexyboobyxxx.com (I’ve not checked if this web site exists, however do let me know if it does). You’ll be able to click on aggressively on the hyperlink, however you’ll inevitably be foiled by unstable web or parental management. Take that as an indication to go away booby behind and, as an alternative, go to the beginning menu to play “SurFree,” an really habit-forming Flash-type sport during which it’s a must to dodge sharks.
It’s a humorous little sport you don’t need to suppose too onerous about. You in all probability shouldn’t need to suppose too onerous about any of this, really. Intercourse ought to by no means be “unspeakable,” particularly when it occurs on Itch.io. Play these video games along with your eyes large open, nothing Stanley Kubrick about it.
